Category: Christian Counseling

Identity Attacked

The idea of identity and its significance to our mental and emotional health has been rolling around in my head the last several weeks. Our ability to challenge lies, face fears, and stand up to temptation is all connected to our identity. So what is identity? It’s who, at the core of our being, we are…how in our own minds, we define ourselves. As I reflected on this idea…I came across a passage I have read many times.

matthew3Matthew 3:16-4:3. The temptation of Jesus comes immediately after his baptism. God declares His identity.

“My Beloved Son”.

It is set.

Determined.

Not up for debate or argument.

Yet, with each temptation, Satan starts by questioning His set, established identity.

“If you are the son of God….”.

If you are? Are you kidding? God, the Creator of the Universe just said who He was! He’s God’s beloved Son! There’s no need for Him to prove it by doing anything.

NOTHING!  NO!  PROOF!  NECESSARY!

Temptation begins with the questioning of our fixed identity. Share on X

Yet here is where the temptation begins…with identity. See, your identity as a child of God is SET.  ESTABLISHED.  Identity defined by God's loveSETTLED.

It’s not up for debate.

“See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and SO WE ARE.” 1 John 3:1

But our temptations start here too…with us questioning our set, established identity. We doubt. We wonder. We don’t feel good enough or worthy. We question. We listen to our shame.

Identity matters. Who we believe we are and where we get our value anchors our soul to something. Anchors keep boats from drifting due to wind or current.

Do you anchor your identity in the solid, oceans deep truth that you are a child of God? Or, do you anchor your identity in a neighboring boat. It may be your children, your job, your spouse, a close relationship, your possessions, your image or any other thing. Can you imagine if boats in the ocean threw anchors into each other? They would all SINK! Seriously, it would be chaos. There is only one solid place to anchor your identity.

Identity Anchor

 

God knows we will struggle with this. “And now, little children, abide in him, so that when he appears we may have confidence and not shrink from him in shame at his coming. 1 John 2:28

This verse says that the secret to anchoring our identity in Christ is to abide. “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love.” John 15:9

Abide means to rest, dwell, accept, and to act in accordance with.
Even when we don’t feel it, abiding in Christ will help us have confidence in our identity. God knows our tendency is to shrink from Him in shame. That’s what we do with other people when we screw up, offend them, disobey, or have conflict. We avoid, hide, or distance ourselves from them. Yet God wants us to draw near.

Identity matters. Who we believe we are anchors our soul to something. Share on X

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:15-16

Jesus understands. Someone questioned His identity, too. He’s been asked to prove Himself, too. He went to the cross so your identity as a child of God can be permanently and forever FIXED!

Jesus understands. Someone questioned His identity, too. Share on X

Let us with CONFIDENCE draw NEAR to the throne of GRACE to receive MERCY and HELP in our time of NEED.

What a remarkable phrase. You don’t have to have it all together, be perfect, clean yourself up, or have it all figured out to confidently draw near to God. It’s the exact opposite. We confidently draw near to find the help we desperately need!

You don’t have to have it all together to confidently draw near to God. It's the opposite. Share on X

No matter how loud our shame screams: UNWORTHY! IMPERFECT! NOT GOOD ENOUGH! THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU!

You can CONFIDENTLY DRAW NEAR to Jesus.

He wants you to!!!!!

Beloved, draw near to Jesus and rest in His work on YOUR behalf! Know that your identity is anchored securely in Jesus. Not in what you do. Not in your relationships. Not in what’s been done to you. It’s in Christ!

Beloved, draw near to Jesus and rest in His work on YOUR behalf! Share on X

 

 

Permanent link to this article: https://counseling4hope.com/identity-attacked/

Embracing Imperfection and Finding Freedom

perfection masquerades as goodThat’s a strange thought for me. Embracing imperfection. Several years ago, I sat in my counselor’s office and he challenged me with this idea.

Hi, my name is Aimee and I struggle with perfectionism. Anyone who knows me well will laugh at that statement…because it’s painfully true. I’m a first born, high-achiever, minister’s daughter. I grew up with eyes watching me, looking to me (or so I thought). Perfectionism was born and rooted deep in my heart.

Perfectionism masquerades as something good. Who wouldn’t want to strive for excellence or success in all things? Yet, it comes with BIG cost…insecurity, self-doubt, and lots of SHAME.

See perfectionism is impossible…

Let that sink in a minute.

 

 

Perfectionism masquerades as something good. Share on X

 

No one is perfect; no one functions at that high level. We all know this deep down. Perfection is a mirage that leaves us in a desert wasteland, dry and thirsty.

Perfection is a mirage that leaves us in a desert wasteland, dry and thirsty. Share on X

How can this be, you ask? How can something presumably good lead us so astray?

Perfectionism brings SHAME. It communicates, “be perfect and you’re okay”. When your humanity kicks inPerfection leaves us dry and you mess up, perfectionism shouts, “something is wrong with you because you aren’t perfect.” Cue the shame and unending self-doubt and self-loathing.

Here’s the light bulb moment….perfectionism and abuse communicate the same message.

Both speak condemning shame and inadequacy. Both shout, “something is wrong with you.” Both abuse and deceive us.

So how do we get free?

By embracing our humanity, weaknesses, flaws, mistakes, warts and all. By sharing our imperfections with those in our life. By living life fully transparent and real. There’s freedom here. Scary, vulnerable, beautiful freedom.

 

 

 

 

By embracing our humanity, weaknesses, flaws, mistakes, warts and all. Share on X

You see perfectionism is often image and identity driven. You want others to see you as a “have it all together” person. You fear failure because you see it as your definition.

But failure doesn’t define you; it’s an experience to learn from. Identity isn’t in what you do or don’t do. Identity is rooted in something deeper; it’s who you are. We are all broken people living in a broken world with other broken people. We are human. Sometimes we get it right and sometimes we fail. What’s beautiful about us IS our imperfections. It’s what unites us and sets us free.

What’s beautiful about us IS our imperfections.. Share on X Owning my many imperfections, has freed me from the tyranny of shame. Share on X

For me, owning my many imperfections, has freed me from the tyranny of shame that used to beat me up mentally when I failed. I think the biggest Aha moment for me in my own journey was this thought: “If I am perfect than I have no need for Jesus.” So beloved, I will revel in my imperfections because Jesus is so much better. I will trade SHAME for GRACE and experience REST and FREEDOM. My mistakes and failures remind me of His perfection in my place. Before God, the perfection I long for is mine, not because of my goodness or excellence but because of Christ’s goodness and excellence.

I will trade SHAME for GRACE and experience REST and FREEDOM. Share on X My mistakes and failures remind me of His perfection in my place. Share on X

Imperfection Gets Grace

“If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness” 2 Corinthians 11:30

 “Looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:2

“Now if perfection had been attainable through the Levitical priesthood (for under it the people received the law), what further need would there have been for another priest to arise after the order of Melchizedek, rather than one named after the order of Aaron….For the law appoints men in their weakness as high priests, but the word of the oath, which came later than the law, appoints a Son (Jesus) who has been made perfect forever.” Hebrews 7:11, 28

“For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness (perfection) to everyone who believes” Romans 10:4

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

Permanent link to this article: https://counseling4hope.com/embracing-imperfection/

3 Ways to Change Your Thoughts (and Your Life)

taking thoughts captive

Have you ever stopped to think about the number of thoughts you think a day? I mean, my mind is constantly going so the number has got to be high, right? So, I do what we all do when we have a question these days, I asked Google. A brief search revealed that apparently we think about 50,000-70,000 thoughts a day. Wow. That. Is. A. Big. Number. Now I cannot verify this with a scientific study and the social researcher in me is annoyed by that…. but we can all agree on this, we think A LOT! Which means! I guess that could be a good thing or bad thing depending on what we say to ourselves. Do we stop and consider the message, tone, and implication of our thoughts? Are our thoughts helping or hurting us? How accurate are our thoughts?

Here’s something I have observed as a therapist. Most of our thoughts are opinions and not facts.

This may not seem earth-shattering news to you but stick with me. Opinions are not facts…they are debatable…there is always another opposing opinion. The problem comes when we:

  1. Treat these opinion statements as facts
  2. Incorporate them into our identity.
Most of our thoughts are opinions and not facts. Share on X

For example:

We might think, “I am unsafe in an airplane”. Now that is an opinion thought. Other people can tell me how safe airplanes are. Yet, I am going to listen to my opinion thought because I’m treating it as fact and it is reinforced by a strong fear emotion. Viewing this opinion thought as a fact keeps me from flying and limits my freedom to travel.

Now imagine if most of our 50,000 thoughts are opinion thoughts that we treat as fact. Seriously, consider this…consider each strong emotion….is there an opinion thought behind it?

How often do our own thoughts mislead and deceive us, leaving us overwhelmed? Perhaps part of “taking our thoughts captive” is this recognition of opinion thoughts and their influence over our emotions and perspective.

Perhaps part of “taking our thoughts captive” is this recognition of opinion thoughts. Share on X

But HOW?

How to change your thoughts: pause

How to change your thoughts: zoom outHow to change your thoughts: share

 

 

 

 

PAUSE: Consider pressing the pause button when you feel a strong emotion. Stop. Take a few slow deep breaths. Invite God into the moment. Observe the world with your 5 senses.

ZOOM OUT: Zoom out to consider if there it is an opinion or fact thought. If it is an opinion, what are the absolute facts of the situation?

SHARE: Share your reflections with a safe friend. Talking out loud to helps your brain pause, zoom out, and reflect. Plus it helps you make sense of what seems overwhelming in the moment. No safe friends available, then write about it, maybe write to God.

Our thoughts are powerful. Share on X

Our thoughts are powerful. How we speak to us matters….we often are more critical and harsh with ourselves than anyone else is. What if we pledged to think about our thoughts? What if by doing so we could change how we think? What if this changes our lives? As always, if you need help find a good counselor who can help you with this process. Hang on to hope!!

What if we pledged to think about our thoughts? What if this changes our lives? Share on X

change your thoughts: opinion or fact?

 

Permanent link to this article: https://counseling4hope.com/change-your-thoughts/

Shocked by Suffering

Not sure how to start this blog on suffering. It’s been a while since I’ve written. The unexpected happened in our family during the holidays. It doesn’t matter how much you intellectually know that we all experience suffering in life…it still catches you off guard and knocks you flat out! Trust me…I hear suffering all day…it’s part of my job…I’ve studied it…I’ve walked through some of my own…I am not unaware of the reality…and yet when it hits close to home….it’s tough.

God's Presence in SufferingSudden suffering has a way of knocking the wind out of us. We struggle for air, shaken, not sure we can get back up.

Despite everything, I can say in the midst of sudden suffering the following things are tangibly real:

  • God’s presence is so much stronger and clearer during times of suffering and struggle.IMG_4070
  • God’s peace really is amazing and completely incomprehensible.
  • God’s people SHOW UP!
  • God’s plan is better than mine (that’s a hard one…but it is, I know it).
  • God is good despite my suffering.
  • Our world is sooooo broken.
  • I long even more for God to make all things new.

 

 

Sudden suffering looks different for all of us. It could be a serious illness, tragic accident, natural disaster, recurrence of depression, extreme panic or anxiety, or anything that knocks you down. Whatever it is, let me say this…

You are not alone.

You can walk this road.

You are stronger than you think.

You are brave to get back up.

You just have to take it one step at a time.

I don’t by any stretch have all the answers…but I feel compelled to share what I have learned (and am still learning) about walking in suffering…mainly so I can go back and read it later…hopefully it helps you on your journey too.

First, take the time you need. I mean if you need to go be with family, if you need to be alone, whatever it is you need…make sure you give yourself that time. Our schedules and daily demands can all be put on hold. It’s not selfish to take the time you need.

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Second, know what replenishes your cup. In counseling we call this self-care. Know how to take care of you, how to rest, and what you can do to keep going. Is it remembering to eat, giving yourself permission to sleep, time alone, time with others, whatever it is….make it a priority now more than ever.

Third, tell others what to do. Everyone wants to help in a time of crisis…they feel powerless and they love you. So when they say, “let me know what I can do”….they mean it. I get it, you don’t know what you need…but when you do…share the need. We don’t frequently because “we don’t want to bother people”. It’s okay to ask even for help with small things.

Fourth, you will feel all kinds of things at all different times and that is okay. Take time to feel what you feel.

Fifth, gather close your support system. I’ve found there are people I can be with that let me process and deal. Those are the ones I want around me. Those are the ones I ask the most for help. Those people are the ones that can help you identify what you need, will let you process, and can help you organize everyone else that wants to help.

Sixth, don’t struggle alone. Burdens are so much easier to bear in community. If you don’t have an existing support community, find a good support group or a counselor.

Remember….

You are not alone. You can walk this road. You are stronger than you think. Share on X You are brave to get back up. You just have to take it one step at a time. Share on X

 

Permanent link to this article: https://counseling4hope.com/shocked-by-suffering/

Hope for the Holidays

Hope for the Holidays Not Christmas Stress

Let’s all be super honest! The holidays bring stress. Lots of STRESS!! Even good things create stress and just the sheer volume of extra work brings with it a level of stress. Most of us have schedules that have no extra room to accomplish these extra tasks.

* Gift buying  *Decorating *Parties *Wrapping *Travel *Finances

Not to mention, the list of things that surface during the holidays.

*Expectations *Loss *Loneliness *Grief *Depression *Anxiety *Family

Now I love Christmas but what I really love is family time, relaxing, good food, games and peace. I love celebrating the amazing thing God did by sending Jesus. Accomplishing for us, what we could never do on our own. The last thing I want is to get lost in the chaotic must be perfect American Christmas…but we do…it’s easy.

We like pretty things and giving gifts and parties and on and on it goes. If we aren’t careful, we walk through the season and we miss it…or we dread it.

If we aren’t careful, we walk through the season and we miss it…or we dread it. Share on X

Maybe there is hope for the holidays, hope for the stress we are all under. Maybe the solution is to shift our expectations. To expect things to be busy, to expect things to be not perfect, to expect people to be crazy, to expect stores to be busy, to expect kids to argue during advent, and to expect those who’ve experienced grief to be sad.

Preparing for stressful times is a mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual process:

Mentally:

Look at the situation with realistic expectations.

Remember what you really value and want out of this time.

Physically:

Take care of yourself: eat well, exercise, and get enough sleep

Take time to sit and take slow deep breathes.

Observe the world around you. What do you see? What do you hear? What do you smell? Take time to live in the moment.

This time of year can be difficult for those who have experienced loss Share on X

Emotional:

Know when you need extra support. This time of year can be difficult for those who have experienced loss or already struggle with anxiety and depression. Have safe people on call for you, join a support group, or just be real with your family and friends. They love you. You don’t have to pretend. If you need professional help, call a good counselor.

Spiritually:

The season is about GRACE! Grace God extends to us through the incredible gift of Jesus.

The season is about GRACE! Grace God extends to us through the incredible gift of Jesus. Share on X

Grace wins. Grace doesn’t expect anything but us to be real and messy. Grace gives. Grace forgives. Grace is undeserved. Christmas is Grace.

 

Hope for the Holidays

Permanent link to this article: https://counseling4hope.com/hope-for-the-holidays/

Why Try? The Struggle is Real.

Life. Isn’t it interesting how we expect things to go easy, ALL THE TIME? I mean we come against something hard and we panic, freak out, wonder what we are doing wrong. Is it our culture that has information at our fingertips, a store within 5 minutes selling anything we might need, and quick meals on every corner that sets us up for this unrealistic expectation?

Now I know (legitimately KNOW) that life is hard and that struggle is real. We all know this and yet we baulk at challenges or difficulty.

In fact some of us just quit…

It’s true. We imagine all the things that could go wrong, might go wrong, will go wrong and we decide it is not worth trying.

Or, we’re so paralyzed by our own super critical thought dialogue that we are doomed before we start.

Or, we hear some voice from the past that told us we couldn’t do much and we listen to it once again.

Or, we picture how we failed the last time and we give up.

Maybe struggle IS one of the best gifts of life. What if struggle births maturity, strength, and true beauty? In fact, I am not sure anything of real substance or meaning comes without struggle?

Maybe struggle IS one of the best gifts of life. Share on X

Here are some examples that come to mind:

  • The butterfly comes from the struggle out of the cocoon.
  • A mom giving birth to a child in hard intense labor.
  • Muscles grow by pushing the physical limits (painful reminder from my morning workout).
  • Crops don’t grow without hard work to till, sow, and reap.
  • Homes and buildings aren’t built without hard physical labor.

What if learning to encounter and deal with challenges IS what defines success.

What if learning to encounter and deal with challenges IS what defines success. Share on X

Yet so many of us live in the past or the future. The past reminds us of all our past hurts and failures. The future has so many potential problems. We focus in both directions and we freeze…

Yet NOW is what we have, it is all we have and all we ever have.

NOW is powerful, present, unwritten.

NOW is healing, centering and full of hope.

NOW is a new page of a new story that you purposefully write yourself.

We look back to understand, heal, and grow. So we can be fully present in the NOW.

Encountering difficulty? Take hope, you are not alone. We all struggle with something.

Doubting if you can try? Take a risk, dealing with the challenges that come is part of the journey. Risking IS succeeding.

Discouraged? Take heart, be the biggest supporter and encourager of you…if you don’t who will? Find outside support, your cheering section…they are out there.

Need help? Take action, help is available. There are so many resources of help and hope around. Support groups, church groups, growth groups, counselors, mentors, or coaches. Investing in you is the best investment you can make.

You are not alone. We are all walking the bumpy road of life with you. Look around it’s a beautiful day to keep going…

You are not alone. We are all walking the bumpy road of life with you. Share on X

mother theresa quote

 

Permanent link to this article: https://counseling4hope.com/struggle/

Embracing Who We Are

This is a crazy metaphor…maybe only women will understand it…but I’ve been thinking a lot lately about embracing who we ARE and not striving for something different.

This came about as I started letting my hair, do what it does…which is a half-hearted wavy, not real curl kind of thing.

For years, I have just straightened my hair (or kept it shorter). It never really did much else…yet all of a sudden my hair has more spunk (or waves) if I let it.

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Sometimes I do, I let it be wild and wavy…some pieces are straight, some curl sweetly and some just frizz or stick out. My inner perfectionist screams that my curls are wild and out of control…yet I let them be and do what they want to be and do.

As I have wrestled with this different type of hair (and let me assure you, the struggle is real…short hair may be in my future), I picture all of us in life. We are wild and wavy. We are unique. Some of us frizz, some curl cutely, some stick out straight, but we each matter, and we each have meaning.

We are wild and wavy. We are unique. Some of us frizz, some curl cutely but we each matter. Share on X

Yet so often we don’t let ourselves just be wild and wavy. We are told to straighten out. Don’t be unique; be like all the other straightened out people…boring, the same, and perfectly smooth.

The thing is…even when I straighten my hair…if it rains or I sweat, the wave returns. There is no perfect conformity and there is no such thing as perfection. It’s an illusion…an unattainable standard. All the striving for perfection brings me is the feeling that I am constantly not enough. I need to do more or try harder.

Yet I am who God created me to be and so are you… wonderfully wild and wavy. I make mistakes and I mess up. Sometimes my waves are pretty and sometimes they are a frizzy mess.

Grace is wild and wavy. It uproots perfection and shouts “It Is Finished”. I’ll settle for wild and wavy because it means I get Jesus…His perfection is better than my horrible attempt to straighten my wild and wavy hair…..
Grace is wild and wavy. It uproots perfection and shouts “It Is Finished”. Share on X

 wildlove

Permanent link to this article: https://counseling4hope.com/embracing-who-we-are/

Deep Feelings and the Gospel

Loss hurts. Change brings fear of the unknown. Struggle is hard. Trauma changes us.

Sadness, anger, shame, and fear can feel overwhelming leaving us stuck and frozen, not knowing what to do.

“Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?” Psalm 42:5

“My tears have been my food day and night” Psalm 42:3

How much do we identify with the Psalmist? How much do we struggle with loss, sadness, anger, fear, and shame? How many nights have we wrestled and cried.

Frequently we think it is wrong to experience normal feelings or that somehow it means we don’t have enough faith.

Life in this fallen world hurts. Feelings don’t show a lack of faith but that we are normal humans, living in a broken world.

Feelings don’t show a lack of faith but that we are normal humans Share on X

The Psalmist reminds us that our souls are thirsty for more…..

“As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God for the living God.” Psalm 42:1-2 

deer2

The water our souls thirst for is found in Jesus. He is Living Water. Every other relationship on this earth will fail to satisfy.

Loss and hurt is a reminder of our need for Him.

Shame and the pain of trauma is a reminder of the deep brokenness of creation and our need for Him.

It’s not wrong to feel. It’s not wrong to be overwhelmed. It’s human. Share on X

It’s not wrong to feel. It’s not wrong to be overwhelmed. It’s human. God is pained over the brokenness of the world, too. God can handle your questions. Your feelings communicate needs.

God is pained over the brokenness of the world, too. Share on X

In this Psalm, the writer knows he needs to praise God and remember how faithful and loving the Lord has been to Him. He challenges his inner dialogue and reminds himself of the truth!

“Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?

Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation, and my God

My soul is cast down within me; therefore I remember you from the land of Jordan and of Hermon, from Mount Mizar

Deep calls to deep at the roar of your waterfalls; all your breakers and your waves have gone over me. By day the Lord commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life.

I say to God, my rock; “Why have you forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?” As with a deadly wound in my bones, my adversaries taunt me, while they say to me all the day long, “where is your God?”

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.” Psalm 42:5-11

God is good. God is faithful. He has proven His love for me time and again. Remember. He loves us with an everlasting, initiating, unconditional, redeeming, restoring and rescuing love.

He loves us with an everlasting, initiating, unconditional, and rescuing love. Share on X

Permanent link to this article: https://counseling4hope.com/feelings/

Aimee’s Self-Care Tool Box

self-care

This is a follow-up to my post on rest. I thought I would share the things that I consider self-care. It’s important to know what things recharge you so that you can replenish your energy.  This is different for everyone based on temperament and preferences. I give myself permission to include self-care into my daily and weekly routine. This isn’t frivolous but needed recharge time. When I do this, I am a better wife, mom, friend, and counselor.

  • Coffee while on Twitter or watching Hulu (this is a picture of my favorite mug ) ❤️
  • Listening to favorite Music: I love a variety of music. Have worship music, pop music, country music, 80s music. What I choose depends on how I feel.
  • Watching funny TV shows or movies
  • Spending time with those I love
  • Fun games (not too analytical but fun…at my home we do a lot of analytical games…Table Top ?)
  • Watching football (especially the Texas Aggies or anyone who has been an Aggie)
  • Dancing with my hubby (I’m a Texan so two-stepping only please)
  • Watching my kid play soccer. (Go Pumas!)
  • Relaxing in beautiful weather (70 degrees, patio dining, long walks)
  • Long talks with good girlfriends
  • Reading
  • Listening to favorite podcasts
  • Manicures and Pedicures
  • Mexican food (I could eat mexican food for every meal)
  • Snuggling during super cold weather. Sitting by the fire
  • Laying by the pool in hot weather.

What is self-care for you??

Permanent link to this article: https://counseling4hope.com/self-care/

Defining Rest.

I have to be honest but today I am exhausted. And not the I could go sleep exhausted but the my brain is not working well exhausted. You know, the kind of mental and emotional fatigue that just settles in and keeps you stuck…on the couch…watching Netflix….

We all have these times in life. We’ve finished a big project, we burned the candle at both ends, our kids kept us up too late, stress is piling up, or we are dealing with strong emotions (panic, fear, anxiety, grief, trauma, or sadness).

This is a life reality for all of us. None of us is super human; none of us can keep going and going and going without eventually burning out. Life is hard sometimes, if we are honest, life is hard a lot of times. So what do we do? How can we manage the demands of our lives but find time to rest and recharge?

In our busy, hectic culture, rest is an unknown concept. As I have gotten older, I have decided that rest is so much more than getting a good night sleep (although that is clearly important). I think rest is more comprehensive. I think it involves:

Values: Knowing what is important and a priority in our life. So often we spend time and energy on things that really hold no value for us.

Boundaries: Knowing our limits and being able to say no to things (even good things) of lesser value to us. Knowing our values can help guide how and when we set boundaries around our selves and our time.

Self-Care: Making sure that we know the things we need to function healthily and what things are revitalizing and recharging for us. Taking care of our whole selves emotionally, mentally, physically, relationally, and spiritually.

Self-Compassion: We are all imperfect and limited. Self-compassion is recognizing and accepting our limits without judging ourselves harshly. It’s giving our selves grace and permission to be human.

Safe Mutual Connections: We are made for connection with other people. People who are aware of their own struggles and imperfections. People who accept us for who we are (warts and all). Spending time with people like this is refreshing. There is no judgment, just love, grace, and freedom.

These are all ideas found throughout scripture and modeled by Jesus. Maybe our Creator God knew how much we would need rest. Perhaps that is why He rested on day seven. Perhaps that is why he calls us to rest in Him. Perhaps that is why He initiates and draws us to Him. Perhaps that’s why He says “It is finished” (John 19:30).

“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul.” Psalm 23:1-3

“The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.” Zephaniah 3:17

 

Defining Rest

 

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