Tag Archive: connection

Jan 09

The Troubled Journey: A Parable of Life, Obstacles, and Hope

This week I am excited to share a parable written by my son.  It’s an amazing picture of what I’ve observed personally in my own life and as a counselor who sits with many people on a troubled journey.

Troubled Journey

There was once a person, who sat, troubled. For this person had been on a journey, and had come to a cliff blocking their path. They saw no bridge to cross it, and saw no way around it for the air was too dark. So they sat, wondering if their journey had come to an end. After what seemed like a very long time of sitting and staring, they began to question if they need only walk off the cliff. And up they stood, with rash, to walk off. 

But then they saw something approaching them in the darkness. A spirit had come to them. The spirit seemed to have a familiar face and they greeted the spirit as one does. Then the spirit turned them around. And all of a sudden, they felt comforted by a presence that had always been with them but they had never noticed. They saw that the path behind them was light, and they saw many faces all smiling towards them. Many faces of which they knew as old friends, and many faces of which were unknown to them.

Guided by the comforting presence they walked to the smiling people and told them their problem. Then all of the smiling people walked to the edge and began to form a bridge. All together the smiling people formed a bridge and for the first time the person, once troubled, could see the other side of the cliff. So they walked across the bridge with the comforting presence. While walking across, they almost fell many times, but whenever they did the comforting presence carried them back to balance.

Eventually, they crossed the bridge and stood at the other side that once did not exist to them. The smiling people stood together with them and they began to walk the new path they saw. And through the time walking this path they crossed many cliffs where the smiling people made bridges for them, and they helped make many bridges for others of the smiling people who then frowned. But they could always tell that the comforting presence was with them, either guiding or carrying.

Written by Nathan Thompson

Everyone sees something a little bit different in this parable. Please comment below with your thoughts and reflections. Like it? Please share it on social media. There is always hope!

Permanent link to this article: http://counseling4hope.com/troubled-journey/

Sep 22

Defining Rest.

I have to be honest but today I am exhausted. And not the I could go sleep exhausted but the my brain is not working well exhausted. You know, the kind of mental and emotional fatigue that just settles in and keeps you stuck…on the couch…watching Netflix….

We all have these times in life. We’ve finished a big project, we burned the candle at both ends, our kids kept us up too late, stress is piling up, or we are dealing with strong emotions (panic, fear, anxiety, grief, trauma, or sadness).

This is a life reality for all of us. None of us is super human; none of us can keep going and going and going without eventually burning out. Life is hard sometimes, if we are honest, life is hard a lot of times. So what do we do? How can we manage the demands of our lives but find time to rest and recharge?

In our busy, hectic culture, rest is an unknown concept. As I have gotten older, I have decided that rest is so much more than getting a good night sleep (although that is clearly important). I think rest is more comprehensive. I think it involves:

Values: Knowing what is important and a priority in our life. So often we spend time and energy on things that really hold no value for us.

Boundaries: Knowing our limits and being able to say no to things (even good things) of lesser value to us. Knowing our values can help guide how and when we set boundaries around our selves and our time.

Self-Care: Making sure that we know the things we need to function healthily and what things are revitalizing and recharging for us. Taking care of our whole selves emotionally, mentally, physically, relationally, and spiritually.

Self-Compassion: We are all imperfect and limited. Self-compassion is recognizing and accepting our limits without judging ourselves harshly. It’s giving our selves grace and permission to be human.

Safe Mutual Connections: We are made for connection with other people. People who are aware of their own struggles and imperfections. People who accept us for who we are (warts and all). Spending time with people like this is refreshing. There is no judgment, just love, grace, and freedom.

These are all ideas found throughout scripture and modeled by Jesus. Maybe our Creator God knew how much we would need rest. Perhaps that is why He rested on day seven. Perhaps that is why he calls us to rest in Him. Perhaps that is why He initiates and draws us to Him. Perhaps that’s why He says “It is finished” (John 19:30).

“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul.” Psalm 23:1-3

“The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.” Zephaniah 3:17

 

Defining Rest

 

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Permanent link to this article: http://counseling4hope.com/rest/

Oct 10

The Six C’s for Managing Anxiety, Biblically

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Looking for Biblical anxiety help?

Anxiety is a powerful emotion that can develop into a vicious cycle.  It may start for one reason but the cycle can continue for different reasons.  See my previous post on anxiety is a more detailed explanation of how this cycle starts and continues.

Now, understanding anxiety is helpful but what someone struggling with anxiety really needs is in the moment help!  The physical response to anxiety is so overwhelming that it feels extremely scary.  

When in the midst of anxiety, the natural response is to escape NOW whatever situation you’ve decided is causing this response.  For my son, the anxiety response was caused (he thought) by our separation.  It is not the same for everyone but regardless of who you are, you know what you think is the cause.  Unfortunately, escaping the situation only reinforces the anxiety response.  Remember the cycle:

anxiety cycle

So what can you do?  What does the Bible say?  What does the research say?  Is there hope?

YES!  There is HOPE for those brave people willing to try something different.  Let me tell you, I am serious about the word brave!  It takes incredible bravery to face any kind of fear head on and I am humbled by those I’ve seen take these steps.  To me, you are a real hero!  Below are scriptural methods for dealing with anxiety that are also backed up by psychological research.

The 6 C’s for Managing Anxiety 

  • Current moment presence:  This just means being fully present in the current moment.  The psychological term is mindfulness.  For the Christian, this has two parts:

    • Being fully present with yourself in the current moment.  This involves taking the focus off of your anxiety/fear and placing it onto the observable world around you.  Using your senses, evaluate what you hear, see, taste, touch, or smell.  Start describing you immediate present moment.  Sometimes just observing the world with our senses can bring mental calm.  When Jesus deals with his disciple’s anxiety, He points out what He observes in the present moment around them.

       “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on.  Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.  But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?   Matthew 6: 25-30

    • Being fully present in the current moment with God.  God is always with you no matter your experience.  Remembering that in the middle of panic is one of the ways the Bible instructs us to handle the difficult situations we encounter.  Jesus reminds his disciples of this in Matthew 6.  God calls us continually to come to Him for REST.

      •  “Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”  Matthew 6: 31-34

      • Be still, and know that I am God.”   Psalm 46:9

      • Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him, fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices.”  Psalm 37:7

      • You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you because he trusts in you.  Isaiah 46:8

      •  Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28

      •  “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.Philippians 4:4-7

  • Connected with safe people:  Safe relationships soothe, bring security, and comfort.  Anxiety and fear is much easier to face when we are with a trusted person.  This is how God wired human beings to grow.  It is part of the way we image God because God is intrinsically relational.  Counselors who specialize in anxiety use this concept by utilizing the power of the therapeutic relationship to encourage clients to face fears in a safe environment. 

    • Before sin entered the world, God knew that we would need relationships, I mean, He created us that way!  “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for man to be alone.  I will make a helper who is right for him.'”  Genesis 2:18

    • God designed children to receive comfort from their parents and this gives them a safe base from which to explore the world.  This same concept can be replicated in our relationship with God and other people. “I have made myself calm and content like a young child in its mother’s arms.  Deep down inside me, I am as content as a young child…put your hope in the Lord both now and forever.” Psalm 131:2-3

    • God intends the body of Christ to take this supportive and caring role for each other.  “Instead we speak the truth in love.  We will grow up into Christ in every way.  “He is the head.  He makes the whole body grow and build itself up in LOVE.  Under the control of Christ, each part of the body does its work.  It supports the other parts.”  Ephesians 4:15-16

  • Calming the physical body:

    “I have made myself calm and content like a young child in its mother’s arms. Deep down inside me, I am as content as a young child…put your hope in the Lord both now and forever.” Psalm 131:2-3  This verse indicates that we have within us the power to calm ourselves, so what are some practical tools for calming our physical anxiety symptoms.  If you are calming your physical body and refocusing your mind, the anxiety will start to lessen.

    • Slow deliberate deep breathing

    • Slowly contracting and relaxing each different muscle, starting at your toes and moving up to your head

    • Counting your slow deliberate breaths

    • Meditating on scripture, calming imagery, or present moment awareness

  • Change negative and false thinking patterns:  Thoughts are powerful and most of us believe whatever we think.  In addition, we develop thinking habits over time.  Do any of these habits sound familiar to you:

    • Negative thinking

    • Jumping to conclusions

    • Predicting an outcome

    • Comparing yourself to others

    • Reading other people’s minds

    • Critical internal voice

    • Catastrophizing

    • Harsh judgments of self and others

If you identify with any of these thinking patterns (and let’s be honest, we all do this on some level) then let’s start here.  Sometimes, just learning how to question our thoughts and change our internal dialogue will dramatically change our experience.  But how?  Start by:  1) Journaling your thoughts, 2) Questioning whether your thoughts are true or balanced, and 3) Consider alternative explanations.  If you struggle with this, find a good counselor who can help you.

Scripture tells us to:

Pay attention to our thoughts:  “For as a man thinks within himself, so is he” Proverbs 23:7

Renew our mind.  Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”  Romans 12:2  

Evaluate  and recognize truthful and beneficial thoughts.  “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”  John 8:32  “Finally, my brothers and sisters, always think about what is true. Think about what is noble, right and pure. Think about what is lovely and worthy of respect. If anything is excellent or worthy of praise, think about those kinds of things.”  Phillippians 4:8

  • Consider your heart:  What we are anxious about reveals what we value and treasure.  I know that’s tough to hear but it’s truth.  Matthew 6:21 tells us that “for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”  Jesus tells people this right before he instructs them not to worry.  Our worry reveals what we value.  For my son, he values his parents and the fear of something happening to them can send him into panic.  For some people, it is safety, for others control, and for others it’s the image other people have of them.  What is deep behind your fear?  What are you placing at higher value than God?  Do you really trust that God is good?  God is enough.  I’ve been following a beautiful story of a 13 year old boy who just lost his battle to cancer.  His witness of God being enough even in the struggle, even in the face of death was humbling.  I have heard this from more than one person in the midst of deep struggle.  God is enough!  God is in control!  God is good!  God is at work!

    “My soul is bereft of peace; I have forgotten what happiness is; so I say, “My endurance has perished; so has my hope from the Lord.”  Remember my affliction and my wanderings, the wormwood and the gall!  My soul continually remembers it and is bowed down within me.  But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:  The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,  “therefore I will hope in him.” Lamentations 3: 18-24

  • Cling to GRACE:  All of the above things will help you manage and deal with your anxiety.  After some consistent work, you will start to see your anxiety reactions decrease.  However, anxiety may still sneak up on you.  None of us are perfect nor will we achieve that status till God makes all things new.  You know what is awesome?  “There is no condemnation for those that are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1)  and your perfect record before God as a Christian is the anxiety-free life of Jesus!  Cling to that grace!  Give grace and patience to yourself.  Take a deep breath and start again!  There is always hope!

    Don’t be afraid.  Don’t give up.  The Lord your God is with you.  He is mighty enough to save you.  He will take great delight in you.  The quietness of his love will calm you down.  He will sing with joy because of you.”  Zephaniah 3:16-17

If you like what you read, please comment below or share on social media. ❤️

biblical anxiety help

Permanent link to this article: http://counseling4hope.com/four-cs-managing-anxiety-biblically/

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