Tag Archive: change

Feb 07

Wanting an Instant Fix: How Our Instant-Upload Culture has Distorted Our Perspective on Change

Instant FixInstant fix. Sounds nice doesn’t it? Isn’t that what we’ve come to expect….a instant quick fix. I wonder if we have the right view of change? That may sound like a silly question. But seriously, how long do you think real life change takes?

You see I’m wondering if we have unrealistic expectations when it comes to a lot of things, especially change. It’s not our fault. The rapidly changing world of technology has lulled us into this mindset.

Today we can quickly take a picture and immediately edit it and share it with all our friends. There’s an actor’s name we can’t remember or some information we need…no problem, just grab your phone and search for it. Need to know how to get somewhere, just type it in the maps app and bam, up come directions. Want to see a movie? Check for times quickly on your phone and even get tickets.

The rapidly changing world of technology has lulled us into a instant fix mindset. Click To Tweet

I know I’m about to sound really old…but I remember a time when we had to WAIT for all of those things. We had to drop film off (praying and hoping we took one good picture) and wait a week to pick it up. We had to drive to the library to research anything. We had to find a map, figure out the route ourselves, and figure out how to fold the darn thing back up. We had to call the movie theater and hope it didn’t have a busy signal (that’s the beeping sound when the line was busy…man I’m feeling old) so we could sit through the list of times recorded by the theatre….or better yet and simpler, we would just drive to the theatre and pick a movie that was showing.

I’m not even scratching the surface of how life has changed over the last 30 years.

Now I am a HUGE fan of this advancement in technology. Cell phones and apps have revolutionized everything and I am grateful. So much has been simplified and streamlined. Yet, we’ve lost a few things along the way.

 

So much comes easy now that we’ve forgotten life's not that simple. Click To Tweet

So many things come so quickly and easily now that we’ve forgotten that not everything in life happens that way. Sometimes things happen in life and there isn’t an instant fix. In fact, an instant fix would not really even solve the problem. Some things in life are meant to take time.

Some things in life are meant to take time. Click To Tweet

Now we are willing to wait for pleasant things (aka…standing in line for concert tickets, roller coasters, meeting someone famous, really good food, etc.) But, are we willing to wait for things that aren’t as easy but take time? Things like:

Healing from Betrayal

 

Healing Relationship Problems

 

Healing from Anxiety

 

Healing from Depression

 

Healing from Trauma

 

Healing from Abuse

 

Changing Distorted Thinking

 

Healing from Perfectionism

 

Walking through Grief

No one wants to walk through those hard things. No one. But we all will face one if not several in our lifetime. So many come into counseling and want to rush the process. They don’t like the emotions they feel, it takes too long, it’s not easy, or simple. So they avoid, numb, deny, or distract themselves with more technology, another relationship, or some other dysfunctional coping strategy. This delays real healing.

So many come into counseling and want to rush the process delaying healing. Click To Tweet

Healing the body, the mind, the soul, or relationships takes time. It’s not a quick insta-change process. Yet real healing and real change is worth the wait and perseverance it takes to get there. Don’t be afraid of a slower process. It’s normal, good and necessary for lasting change.

Yet real healing and real change is worth the wait and perseverance it takes to get there. Click To Tweet

 

Permanent link to this article: http://counseling4hope.com/instant-fix/

Aug 16

Small Steps to Big Change. Pushing Past the Overwhelm.

Goals. Change.

Do you want to make a big change in your life? Do you have a goal that seems so far off that you’re overwhelmed by the very thought of taking steps to reach it? So many of us don’t take steps to our goals because we are overwhelmed by change and all that it takes to reach it.
So many of us don’t take steps to our goals because we are overwhelmed by all that it takes to… Click To Tweet
Pause.
Take a deep breath in. Slowly exhale.
Visualize your goal.
Is it growing as a person? Dealing with anger, resentment, bitterness? Healing from a past pain or trauma? Is it finding a new job? Going back to school? Improving a relationship?
Whatever it is visualize it and visualize you’ve met the goal. What emotions come up when you think about achieving that goal? Write them down.
Now imagine you are a year in the future and you’ve taken no steps toward this goal? What emotions come up?
Now write down the emotions that come up when you think about starting to change and move toward your goal?
What is one step, one change you can make this week that is a small step toward your goal?
See small changes and small steps get us to big goals. No one ever leaped over a mountain. They climbed it one small step at a time. Overwhelm is a normal experience when facing a big climb. Yet, nothing ever worth anything came easy.
See small changes and small steps get us to big goals. Click To Tweet
You can do it! You can take one small step after another. Before you know it you will be able to see your mountaintop. Grab your bravery, strength, and perseverance and take a step!
Grab your bravery, strength, and perseverance and take a step! Click To Tweet
“No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.” Philippians 3:13-14
What do you need to forget? What do you need to focus on? What is the next small step toward your big goal? You got this!

Permanent link to this article: http://counseling4hope.com/change/

Feb 25

3 Ways to Change Your Thoughts (and Your Life)

taking thoughts captive

Have you ever stopped to think about the number of thoughts you think a day? I mean, my mind is constantly going so the number has got to be high, right? So, I do what we all do when we have a question these days, I asked Google. A brief search revealed that apparently we think about 50,000-70,000 thoughts a day. Wow. That. Is. A. Big. Number. Now I cannot verify this with a scientific study and the social researcher in me is annoyed by that…. but we can all agree on this, we think A LOT! Which means! I guess that could be a good thing or bad thing depending on what we say to ourselves. Do we stop and consider the message, tone, and implication of our thoughts? Are our thoughts helping or hurting us? How accurate are our thoughts?
Here’s something I have observed as a therapist. Most of our thoughts are opinions and not facts.
This may not seem earth-shattering news to you but stick with me. Opinions are not facts…they are debatable…there is always another opposing opinion. The problem comes when we:
  1. Treat these opinion statements as facts
  2. Incorporate them into our identity.
Most of our thoughts are opinions and not facts. Click To Tweet
For example:
We might think, “I am unsafe in an airplane”. Now that is an opinion thought. Other people can tell me how safe airplanes are. Yet, I am going to listen to my opinion thought because I’m treating it as fact and it is reinforced by a strong fear emotion. Viewing this opinion thought as a fact keeps me from flying and limits my freedom to travel.
Now imagine if most of our 50,000 thoughts are opinion thoughts that we treat as fact. Seriously, consider this…consider each strong emotion….is there an opinion thought behind it?
How often do our own thoughts mislead and deceive us, leaving us overwhelmed? Perhaps part of “taking our thoughts captive” is this recognition of opinion thoughts and their influence over our emotions and perspective.
Perhaps part of “taking our thoughts captive” is this recognition of opinion thoughts. Click To Tweet
But HOW?

How to change your thoughts: pause

How to change your thoughts: zoom outHow to change your thoughts: share

 

 

 

 

PAUSE: Consider pressing the pause button when you feel a strong emotion. Stop. Take a few slow deep breaths. Invite God into the moment. Observe the world with your 5 senses.
ZOOM OUT: Zoom out to consider if there it is an opinion or fact thought. If it is an opinion, what are the absolute facts of the situation?
SHARE: Share your reflections with a safe friend. Talking out loud to helps your brain pause, zoom out, and reflect. Plus it helps you make sense of what seems overwhelming in the moment. No safe friends available, then write about it, maybe write to God.
Our thoughts are powerful. Click To Tweet
Our thoughts are powerful. How we speak to us matters….we often are more critical and harsh with ourselves than anyone else is. What if we pledged to think about our thoughts? What if by doing so we could change how we think? What if this changes our lives? As always, if you need help find a good counselor who can help you with this process. Hang on to hope!!
What if we pledged to think about our thoughts? What if this changes our lives? Click To Tweet
change your thoughts: opinion or fact?

 

Permanent link to this article: http://counseling4hope.com/change-your-thoughts/

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