Tag Archive: imperfect

Mar 08

Embracing Imperfection and Finding Freedom

perfection masquerades as goodThat’s a strange thought for me. Embracing imperfection. Several years ago, I sat in my counselor’s office and he challenged me with this idea.
Hi, my name is Aimee and I struggle with perfectionism. Anyone who knows me well will laugh at that statement…because it’s painfully true. I’m a first born, high-achiever, minister’s daughter. I grew up with eyes watching me, looking to me (or so I thought). Perfectionism was born and rooted deep in my heart.
Perfectionism masquerades as something good. Who wouldn’t want to strive for excellence or success in all things? Yet, it comes with BIG cost…insecurity, self-doubt, and lots of SHAME.
See perfectionism is impossible…
Let that sink in a minute.

 

Perfectionism masquerades as something good. Click To Tweet
No one is perfect; no one functions at that high level. We all know this deep down. Perfection is a mirage that leaves us in a desert wasteland, dry and thirsty.
Perfection is a mirage that leaves us in a desert wasteland, dry and thirsty. Click To Tweet
How can this be, you ask? How can something presumably good lead us so astray?
Perfectionism brings SHAME. It communicates, “be perfect and you’re okay”. When your humanity kicks inPerfection leaves us dry and you mess up, perfectionism shouts, “something is wrong with you because you aren’t perfect.” Cue the shame and unending self-doubt and self-loathing.
Here’s the light bulb moment….perfectionism and abuse communicate the same message.
Both speak condemning shame and inadequacy. Both shout, “something is wrong with you.” Both abuse and deceive us.
So how do we get free?
By embracing our humanity, weaknesses, flaws, mistakes, warts and all. By sharing our imperfections with those in our life. By living life fully transparent and real. There’s freedom here. Scary, vulnerable, beautiful freedom.

 

By embracing our humanity, weaknesses, flaws, mistakes, warts and all. Click To Tweet
You see perfectionism is often image and identity driven. You want others to see you as a “have it all together” person. You fear failure because you see it as your definition.
But failure doesn’t define you; it’s an experience to learn from. Identity isn’t in what you do or don’t do. Identity is rooted in something deeper; it’s who you are. We are all broken people living in a broken world with other broken people. We are human. Sometimes we get it right and sometimes we fail. What’s beautiful about us IS our imperfections. It’s what unites us and sets us free.
What’s beautiful about us IS our imperfections.. Click To Tweet
Owning my many imperfections, has freed me from the tyranny of shame. Click To Tweet
For me, owning my many imperfections, has freed me from the tyranny of shame that used to beat me up mentally when I failed. I think the biggest Aha moment for me in my own journey was this thought: “If I am perfect than I have no need for Jesus.” So beloved, I will revel in my imperfections because Jesus is so much better. I will trade SHAME for GRACE and experience REST and FREEDOM. My mistakes and failures remind me of His perfection in my place. Before God, the perfection I long for is mine, not because of my goodness or excellence but because of Christ’s goodness and excellence.
I will trade SHAME for GRACE and experience REST and FREEDOM. Click To Tweet
My mistakes and failures remind me of His perfection in my place. Click To Tweet

Imperfection Gets Grace

“If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness” 2 Corinthians 11:30

 “Looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:2
“Now if perfection had been attainable through the Levitical priesthood (for under it the people received the law), what further need would there have been for another priest to arise after the order of Melchizedek, rather than one named after the order of Aaron….For the law appoints men in their weakness as high priests, but the word of the oath, which came later than the law, appoints a Son (Jesus) who has been made perfect forever.” Hebrews 7:11, 28
“For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness (perfection) to everyone who believes” Romans 10:4
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

Permanent link to this article: http://counseling4hope.com/embracing-imperfection/

Oct 13

Embracing Who We Are

This is a crazy metaphor…maybe only women will understand it…but I’ve been thinking a lot lately about embracing who we ARE and not striving for something different.
This came about as I started letting my hair, do what it does…which is a half-hearted wavy, not real curl kind of thing.
For years, I have just straightened my hair (or kept it shorter). It never really did much else…yet all of a sudden my hair has more spunk (or waves) if I let it.

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Sometimes I do, I let it be wild and wavy…some pieces are straight, some curl sweetly and some just frizz or stick out. My inner perfectionist screams that my curls are wild and out of control…yet I let them be and do what they want to be and do.
As I have wrestled with this different type of hair (and let me assure you, the struggle is real…short hair may be in my future), I picture all of us in life. We are wild and wavy. We are unique. Some of us frizz, some curl cutely, some stick out straight, but we each matter, and we each have meaning.
We are wild and wavy. We are unique. Some of us frizz, some curl cutely but we each matter. Click To Tweet
Yet so often we don’t let ourselves just be wild and wavy. We are told to straighten out. Don’t be unique; be like all the other straightened out people…boring, the same, and perfectly smooth.
The thing is…even when I straighten my hair…if it rains or I sweat, the wave returns. There is no perfect conformity and there is no such thing as perfection. It’s an illusion…an unattainable standard. All the striving for perfection brings me is the feeling that I am constantly not enough. I need to do more or try harder.
Yet I am who God created me to be and so are you… wonderfully wild and wavy. I make mistakes and I mess up. Sometimes my waves are pretty and sometimes they are a frizzy mess.
Grace is wild and wavy. It uproots perfection and shouts “It Is Finished”. I’ll settle for wild and wavy because it means I get Jesus…His perfection is better than my horrible attempt to straighten my wild and wavy hair…..
Grace is wild and wavy. It uproots perfection and shouts “It Is Finished”. Click To Tweet

wildlove

Permanent link to this article: http://counseling4hope.com/embracing-who-we-are/

Dec 02

The Not Perfect Christmas

notperfect3

 

I love Christmas.  I love the cooler weather, the warm clothes, warm coffee, and snuggling under blankets with family.  I love buying gifts, wrapping gifts, giving gifts, attending Christmas Eve service, being with family, and watching Christmas movies.  Yet, let’s be honest ladies…Christmas for moms (or women in general) can be STRESSFUL.  As if we don’t already have enough to do, let’s pile on a whole bunch of shopping, baking, cooking, decorating, dinner parties, and traveling.   Ummmm…. if I added any of that to a regular week then I am overwhelmed but add it all in one month??  Come on now…where did my sanity go?
Now, I looove LOOKING at beautiful decorations but honestly, I don’t want to spend that much on decor.  I am not even quite sure what to buy when I do have decorating money.  So, we continue to use the same decorations year after year.  My boys don’t seem to mind and I think it looks decent when I am done.  But,  I always feel that my decorations are a little, let’s say, less than magazine perfect.  I never quite feel like my house has “grown up” decorations (and I’m almost 40).  It used to be (back before Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, etc.) that I would only feel bad when I went to someone else’s home that was beautifully decorated.  Now, however, I can feel inadequate just by checking my social media feed.  Not only that, there is so much more to feel bad about…my deficient baking skills, I’m not done with my shopping yet, I didn’t get the best deals during Black Friday, my presents won’t have ribbons or bows, my Christmas cards aren’t done, I have no regular daily Christmas activity planned for the kids, and no elf comes to visit in cleverly cute ways.
It is honestly comical how we put so much pressure on ourselves during this time of year.  I mean what is the point?  Who are we pleasing?  What are we celebrating???  Comparison is evil!  Perfection is unrealistic and unattainable.  Life happens in the mess.  Mistakes forge memories that bond us together in our humanity.  When we share only our achievements and not our mistakes, we don’t connect.  We miss each other.  We feel alone.  
Not only that, if we were perfect…we wouldn’t need Jesus.  Isn’t that the whole point of this time of year anyway?  Because of our imperfection and brokenness, Jesus was born to be the perfection we constantly strive for.  In Jesus, I am completely perfect!  So I am free to embrace my human imperfections (of which there are so many…ask my kids and husband).  So this Christmas, I am going to enjoy each moment, the great ones and the bad ones.  The great ones are a glimpse of eternity when all is made new and the bad ones are a reminder of my need for Jesus!
So celebrate the season and do what you want to do.  No comparing!  Your version of Christmas for your family is just right!
Let’s share our imperfections together this Christmas and have a Not Perfect Christmas.  Let’s really connect and be real on social media.  Let’s proclaim our imperfections loud so Jesus’ perfection is magnified!
Find me @counseling4hope #notperfect!
Here’s my first imperfect social media post:
We made an awesome Christmas budget spreadsheet that we password protected because my kids use this computer.  Ummm…yep, we forgot the password.  #notperfect #Christmas
 If you like what you read, please comment below or share on social media. ❤️

Permanent link to this article: http://counseling4hope.com/not-perfect-christmas/

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